


Soups have necks, don’t they?

by Attic_Nights



Category: Psych
Genre: Blowjobs, Community: shassiekinkmeme, Crack, Established Relationship, M/M, PWP, Panty Kink, and quite frankly shawn isn't much better, buzz's soup is beyond repair, inappropriate uses of the interrogation room, juliet just wants to get some work done, lassiter is a tease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-14 16:16:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4571178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Attic_Nights/pseuds/Attic_Nights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>For the following prompt:  </i>
</p><p>"Shawn convinces Lassie to wear lingerie panties to work, and it keeps them both on edge (like Shawn playing with the waistband and teasing Lassie all day). Extra special kudos if Shawn can't take it for long and ends up jumping Lassie someplace inappropriate or semi-public, and Lassie comes in the panties."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soups have necks, don’t they?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2015 LJ [shassiekinkmeme](http://shassiekinkmeme.livejournal.com/) Originally posted anonymously.
> 
> Not my best - I spent less than an hour writing this, but thought it might do some good to raise awareness of the kinkmeme still kicking (lots of prompts still unanswered! Got a prompt? Feel free to post it! Spread the Shassie lurve!)

“I think it should be a flamingo.”

“No.” Lassiter wheeled his long legs around to face his lover. “Wait, what? How would that even work?”

Shawn selected a fluorescent pink number curiously, before discarding it. The lace was far too rough. “Well, the body would sort of be the main part, the suspenders its legs, and its long neck being where you insert your—”

Lassiter slapped a hand over Shawn’s mobile mouth, halting him. Blinking up at him, Shawn noticed they stood far too close, even for a place like this. Hooking his fingers around Lassie’s belt buckle, Shawn tugged them closer.

Lassiter flushed, whining a little bit, and rocked his hips into Shawn’s. He licked his lips, stared at Shawn’s lips, coughed and turned back to rifle through the lingerie bin. “That’s ridiculous, Shawn. What next, a giraffe?”

“I would have a hard time stopping. _So_ many animals have necks. Deers, greyhounds, unicorns… I’ll have to ask Gus.” Shawn joined him again, their shoulders bumping. Suddenly, he gasped.

“This one?” Lassiter asked, his brows drawn. Long fingers skimmed wonderingly over soft, silken fabric.

Shawn nodded, his breath held.

Lassiter lent him a small smile. To anyone else, it would look tired and exasperated. For Shawn, it looked like Christmas.

“Okay,” said Lassiter.

Shawn squealed.

 

* * *

 

Shawn sat on Juliet’s desk, legs swinging and artfully scruffy head tilted at Lassiter’s ass. Juliet tried to focus on her paperwork, and nearly got into the rhythm, when Shawn’s legs stopped mid-swing. She looked up to see Shawn frown at… well Lassiter was bent over. She rolled her eyes.

“Honestly Shawn?”

“I am but a weak human, Jules. If I were a sandwich I’d be jelly.” The frown did not leave his brow however, his eyes clearly fixed on the view. Juliet reclined in her chair to check out the view herself, tapping a thoughtful ballpoint against her lips. Well, it was a nice enough ass. She knew it, and Shawn would especially know it, what with being intimately acquainted with it and all. So why…

They both startled when Buzz dropped off coffee, the cups landing with a loud _thunk._ They recovered, if somewhat bashfully.

Taking a sage sip of her instant defibrillator-in-a-mug, she resumed the task at hand. Shawn did too, but with a face that was growing steadily pink. Juliet noticed his, and also noticed that when he straightened, Carlton’s pants did not fall the way they usually did. They didn’t catch on anything, almost as if underneath those black off-the-racks, he was wearing nothing at –

Shawn seemed to come to a similar conclusion, since he wasn’t perched on her desk anymore. Juliet frowned at his sudden departure, a few sheets of paper still wafting to the ground.

She turned back to her work. Her _real_ work.

 

* * *

 

Lassiter tensed as the bathroom door swung open. Sneakers squeaked on the tiled floor, then a body stood next to him. He looked around – every other urinal was free.

“Honestly Shawn?”

Shawn peered at him, but not at his face. “Oh, Lassie! I wasn’t sure at first, but…”

Lassiter felt his cheeks run hot. He shook and moved to zip himself up. Shawn stopped him, his hand snaking into his slacks.

“You _are!”_

Lassiter’s eyes slipped shut as Shawn’s fingers caressed the flimsy material of his panties. The enterprising hand fluttered along the warmth gathering there, and his hips twitched forward. At this, Shawn hummed, low.

“You seem surprised?” Lassiter grit out, trying to distract himself from the way Shawn was feeling around the seams, as if seeking entry. “You wanted me to wear them.”

“And you wanted to wear them. But here, Lassie? Oh, Lassie.”

Shawn pinched his head, and Lassiter gasped. “We’re at work!” He stilled the wandering hand and breathed deep, calming breaths.

Shawn giggled, then leant to whisper hot into Lassiter’s ear. “You’re _so_ sexy right now.”

Lassiter groaned, and little Lassiter twitched.

The door swung open, and both men sprung apart. Dobson said hello distractedly, Shawn whistled nonchalantly, and Lassiter stumbled awkwardly over to the sinks, running cold water over his hands until the seams of his slacks ran straight again.

Shawn left him standing there, but on the way to the door, he goosed him on the sly.

Lassiter turned the tap off slowly. Well, two could play at that game.

 

* * *

 

Shawn and Lassiter’s hips brushed inappropriately no less than _five_ times in an hour. This time, Shawn had to bite down on his knuckle when Lassiter dropped his pen.

“Oops!” Lassiter grumbled, his acting _deplorable._

Seeming to work in slow motion, Lassiter pivoted, bent from the hips, and Shawn hissed around his knuckle at the sight of glorious, panty-encrusted Lassie-ass. Well, not that he could _see_ the panties, but he _could ‘_ see’them. Especially with the afternoon light streaming in at that angle…

No! Shawn stilled his hand, half extended towards its goal. They were at work, and that meant no hanky-panky in public, they’d agreed (well, Lassiter had tied Shawn up with his department-issued handcuffs and spanked him, hard and wanting, until he’d agreed). He could only try to think of Hawaiian shirts, socks and sandals, _Pluto,_ until Lassiter resumed the usual upright position _._

Lassie cocked an eyebrow, a small smirk lingering in the corner of his mouth, and sauntered off towards records.

It _was_ a very nice saunter. Shawn blinked and looked around once Lassiter turned the corner, the spell almost broken. Almost, because half his brain was wondering _how it felt_ to have such a skimpy, naughty thing under one’s pants. Did the material cling, slide, caress? Did it stroke, tremble and cup? Surely, at any moment it could potentially just... _break_.

The other half of his brain spotted Juliet, who was loitering in the walkway, eyebrows pinned to her hairline, staring at the spot Lassie had just vacated.

“Jules!” he hissed.

Juliet shrugged, and continued into Vick’s office.

 

* * *

 

Shawn wandered into the bowels of the Santa Barbara precinct, distracted and horny. Gus was somewhere upstairs, having returned from his pharmaceutical run, only to get waylaid by some dewy octogenarian with a missing pooch. Pooch was with the neighbors, and Shawn had asserted this, but Octogenarian had refused to listen, batting her bald eyelids at _that nice young man_ Gus.

Lassiter’s rough, _forgodssakes_ voice drew Shawn from his musings, and immediately he perked up.

“Down boy,” he whispered, and flattened himself to a wall.

Buzz barreled past, a sheet of paper clutched in his hand. Noticing the paper’s heading, he reasoned Buzz must have forgotten to get Woody to sign off something. Shawn peered at his watch. And since Woody was on his break, him and Lassiter had a good 15 minutes to fill.

Shawn beamed as he opened the door to interrogation room two’s observation room. He loped inside, and Lassiter gulped.

Stumbling backwards, Lassiter nearly upended a cup of something on the table. He spun around and stared at it, seemingly eager for a distraction.

A white, creamy substance stared back at Lassiter.

“What is it?” the detective asked him.

Shawn inspected it over his shoulder. He sniffed delicately. “Buzz’s loaded potato soup?”

“Huh. Oh…” Lassiter bit off a moan as Shawn crowded close against his back, rubbing his hips against his clothed behind. “ _Oh_ …”

Shawn’s arms adventured over Lassiter's waist, trailing his hands over the dangerous ranges and undulating peaks. “You’ve been teasing me,” he murmured around an earlobe.

His neck flushed pink, Lassiter shuddered against Shawn’s hands as he unbuckled his belt.

“You did it first,” Lassiter gasped. “Buzz…”

“Won’t be back for another 25 minutes,” he lied.

He bit down on Lassie’s neck, sucking slightly. Lassiter leaned into him, moaning. Pulling back with a placating swipe of his tongue over the abused area, he scolded his detective. “Calling out another man’s name during our hanky-panky? Honestly Lassie. Very bad.”

“Bad?” asked Lassiter, his trousers unzipped and left to pool around his knees.

“Mm-hmm. Bad,” confirmed Shawn, kneeling down to nuzzle at Lassiter’s wanton lingerie. “Badder than Bad Boys II’s plotline, and naughty as our decade.” He tugged the trousers further down and cupped those glorious cheeks. At this, Lassiter broke out with a high-pitched giggle.

The detective coughed, recovering with a growl. “Spencer.”

“That’s better.” Shawn spun Lassiter around, until his barely-concealed crotch tickled his nose.

“Oh for Christ’s sake. I – hmmmf.”

Shawn’s voice came out garbled from how he was mouthing over Lassiter’s growing hardness. “You’re gonna come for me.”

Lassiter dragged his hands through Shawn’s gelled hair, fingers grasping and trembling. “What? Oh, here? No… Shawn, _Shawn!_ ”

Shawn pulled back to breathe cool air over the now-damp fabric. Lassiter shuddered. Two hands ran up Lassiter’s bare thighs to pull the top of his panties down. Just enough, to allow his cock room to stretch into the outside air. A hot tongue laved at his frenulum. Lassiter gripped the table behind him, and Shawn nuzzled, licked, nipped and sucked, refusing to let the panties fall any more south.

Shawn’s belt jingled as he unbuckled it, slipping a hand in to relieve himself, still kneeling by Lassie’s feet. “Here Lassie,” he confirmed, landing a sucking kiss to his lover’s mushroom head. “Remember this next time you’re laying into some con. Spurting over my face, dripping onto the floor.”

Lassiter let out a strangled moan, grinding himself onto Shawn’s face. He loosened one hand from Shawn’s hair, and made to tug down the panties so he could come. Shawn stilled him.

“No, like _this,_ Carlton _._ With them on.”

At this, Lassiter tensed, his whole body focused onto one, overwhelming pleasure. He came with a shout, splattering Shawn’s face, over his cheeks, his nose, the vestiges dribbling down his panties, soaking them irreparably.

Shawn moaned desperately, hand working faster in his jeans. Lassiter slumped against the table, dragging one barely-functioning hand over Shawn’s cum-spattered lips. Shawn shouted, but not from orgasm. From its precarious position atop the table, Buzz’s soup spilled hot over Shawn, staining his shirt irreparably.

 

* * *

 

_(aka. Psych-out:)_

“And that was what happened.”

“…Soup. That. Is soup.” Gus seemed scandalized, but whether at the situation or the notion of spilled food, Shawn couldn’t be sure.

Juliet rolled her eyes and waved at Shawn's ruined shirt. “Don’t be ridiculous Shawn. Maybe Lassie fucked you so hard you lost some wiring.”

Both Shawn and Gus gasped. “Juliet!”

“Come on, we all know he’s hung like a three hole punch.”

*shrieking laughter*

**Author's Note:**

> [Recipe for Buzz's Loaded Potato Soup](http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/loaded-potato-soup-0)
> 
> (I haven’t tried it, I literally googled ‘white, creamy soups’. But we all want some, I know it.)


End file.
